Cave Shenanigans is Best Shenanigans (open)

[Dr. Scalpel]

Most of the citizens of Canterlot had been evacuated or otherwise left the cave, and most of the heads had been tallied for. The lists of citizens checked out, however one name that was on not one list still slept in the cave. Deep within, where the light could not reach, the one-of-a-kind Dr. Scalpel lay asleep on the rocky floor. He lay motionless for the longest time, before the call of the plot beckoned to him. He slowly raised from his grave, groggy with a screaming headache.



“Ach, summoning sickness…” He grumbled to himself; it had been the second time that day he had been teleported against his will and without his knowing, and with his luck it wouldn't be the last time either. When the beating of drums against the inside of his skull calmed down he eventually opened his eyes to check his surroundings… and was pleasantly greeted with the same darkness from behind his eyelids. He wasn’t even able to see his own nose, now would be the best time for some kind of illumination spell…. if only he could. His inability to cast anything other than telekinesis spells rarely got to him, but the eerie silence of the darkness wasn't exactly spirit lifting. “Vell, now what?” Scalpel asked himself, the sound of his voice breaking the silence keeping his already fragile state of mind from snapping like a twig. “Is anypony zhere!?” he called out, hoping for some form of reply… losing just that much more spirit when only his echo answered.



With a quick inventory check he figured he still had most internal organs, his favorite lab-coat, his Bone-saw, and a few scalpels he managed to steal from the hospital. “How ironic, my only companions with me on zhis venture are… scalpels… heh…” walking into a straight line he reached the edge of the wall, he began walking to the right. His fate was now in destiny’s hoofs now, anything could happen. He could be stuck down here forever and have to feast on his legs to survive, he might have to slay an Ursa Major, maybe he would find some underground mole people that were about to lay waste to us surface dwellers, maybe he would find a horde of jewels that was worth more than his wildest dreams, maybe he might just find a way out…. but probably not.

[Stygg Whitefeather]

Scalpel's voice echoed against the crystalline and stone walls that comprise the ancient mines deep below Canterlot castle, creating the false impression that he wasn't alone as it softly called back to him from somewhere off in the distant darkness. Though darkness shrouded this place, least sound provided some modicum of navigation – so long as it wouldn't lead him off the side of a endless pit.

Speckled in between the rhythmic taps of Scalpel's hooves against stone, came the distant sound of dripping water, somewhere in front of the poor, lost pony. And in that distant from where the sound seemed to come from, there appeared to be a soft glow emanating from some unknowable source. The gentle, barely distinguishable light softly pulsated against distant crystal and stone. A trick of the mind, perhaps? Or something tangle, a way point.

After another moment, a terrible groan rumbled through the caverns, as if something terrible had just awoken and caused the ground to tremble below Scalpel's hooves. Bits of rock fell down from above, hitting the ground around the pony and from behind there came a sudden and disturbing snap followed by the rustling of what best sounded like leathery wings. Then it grew silent and Scalpel was once more alone in the endless void of black.

[Dr. Scalpel]

"Vell... zhat Ursa major is starting to look more realistic. Heh..." Scalpel muttered to himself, teeth chattering and legs shaking as if the quake was still rumbling. "OK, now lets run through vhat could possibly in a cave and have leather wings. bats, bats, more bats, assorted species of... oh dear, lets not go zhere." He tried to control himself, he he just had to scream he didn't want to do it any louder than he had to. Taking a few more steps forward he slowly but surely started making his way forward. "Fear... is only an emotion Scalpel... you are a professional!" Scalpel tried to reassure himself, but then he remembered one crucial fact; "Vait... I never graduated, heck zhey never even accepted me."

Repeatedly screaming "Nope" at the top of his lungs, Scalpel dashed forward as fast as his legs would carry him towards the light. His distance was cut to a few meters when he tripped over one of the rocks that fell from the ceiling. Jumping back up, he kicked the debris out of the way and continued running forward. Whatever was ahead of him couldn't possibly be any worse than what might be behind him, right? Deep pits of despair and pain were only minor inconveniences at this point in Scalpel's mind. "Vhere is a nurse vhen you need one!"

[Stygg Whitefeather]

Scalpel's mad dash for the light – a last bastion of hope in an otherwise dreadful and dark situation, lead him down a long stretch of crystal and rock walls which grew more vibrant as each hoof-step took him closer to the sanctuary ahead. However, any semblance of hope were quickly dashed as he came upon the source of the light. There, along the floor and climbing up the wall, was a sizable patch of glowing green mushrooms. The air in the space was also speckled with their softly glowing spores. Beyond this point, it grew dark once more. This place was no more an answered prayer than it was a refuge from whatever lurked in these ancient tunnels.

Something would catch the doctor's eye, nestled in the largest batch of glowing mushrooms there was a reflecting gold glint shining back at him. Upon closer inspection, the golden glint was from a simple ring on a horn of a dead unicorn's skull – likely a marriage band, though she must have been her for awhile as the wearing of the ring around the horn beyond the ceremony had fallen out of fashion a generation ago. Even around the neck was also a tattered and moldy choker, with a gem inset in gold and silver, which was a style from another time. The entire mound of mushrooms was actually the rotting body of some unfortunate pony that had found themselves trapped, as Scalpel was now. It appeared to be that of a mare, based on the skull, who likely died scared and alone in a never ending darkness – though now her body sprouted the only source of light and hope, albeit false, in these desolate caves.

[Dr. Scalpel]

"Yes... Reassuring... like finding out your wife vas actually a changeling instead of having been cheating on you..." Scalpel snarked, not happy in the least about his situation. Sitting down Scapel decided the mushroom patch was more or less the best spot to rest for now, the false vision he was given some form of comfort... when he looked away from the skeleton of course. "Vell now what?!" Scalpel screamed in a fit of rage against the heavens "Do I ask the dead mare for assistance? The best advice she could give me is to repent my back street surgeon ways and take up a less unlawful line of work! And ve both know I could never do zhat! It would be... so... boring..." He then settled in a silence, unable to even mutter another energetic phrase or surreal sentence.

For a few minutes he was unable to muster any other puns, snarks, or wisecracks in his mini self depression. An illumination suddenly came to him, his brain finally being put to use. Turning to the dead pony next to him, one of his most insane ideas in the past 30 minutes came to him. Carefully and slowly he approached the body, taking a few mushrooms in his magic clutch along with him. 
"If Zhis works, I'm going to love myself just that much more!" Rubbing the mushrooms to knock some of the spores onto the skeleton, praying to Celestia or Luna or whatever magical horse entity that hadn't given up on him yet that, his insane mind would pay out.

When he was sure that enough spores had stuck to the bones he threw them away and concentrated on getting her up on his back. Precariously balanced friend on for the ride, he took a few steps forwards into the darkness again. Closing his eyes, he took a few more steps until he was sure he was out of the range of the mushroom patch, and reopened them for the moment of truth. If he could see even three inches of ground in front of him he would be at peace, if not he at least he had given it a shot... if not he... he was going to take his new best friend and name her Silver Glimpse anyway!

[Stygg Whitefeather]

The spores softly glowed as they adhered to the old pony bones, however, the mushroom spores were slowly losing their glow. Like life itself, they came into the world bright and burning, but quietly waned till they were nothing more than soft specks of green on the bone. They still provided light, but only enough for the doctor to see his nose - he was once more shrouded in waxing darkness, least he was not 'alone'.

The doctor's new friend was a miserable lot of stringy sinew, rotten bones, and mushrooms that, lucky for Scapel, did provide him with some back-lighting. It wasn't much but it illuminated in a shallow spear around him - though it too was waning. The little mushrooms slowly growing more and more dull, but never quite dying out. Each trot forward also caused bits of the body to break apart, falling to the wayside. First a rib there, then a hoof, bits of tail and leg. She was old bones, little more, and suffered the same rotting fate as all normal ponies.

Further into the darkness the air grew stale with the taste of mildew, and unnerving quite. So quiet that the only sound Scalpel could hear was that of he beating heart and labored breath. The darkness that surrounded him now was like a cold, harsh blanket drowning out his senses; so dark it was that the dying glow from the body upon his back could not pierce it. Then came the madness.

"E.R. Stop..." Spoke a voice from the darkness, least it sounded like a voice. It was more a whisper, a soft call from somewhere distant. Perhaps it was air rustling through the cracks and the Doctor's mind merely filled in the rest. "Stop..." As the distant whisper spoke again, a rock shifted under the Doctor's hoof and gave way and he could hear it rolling across the ground till it suddenly fell sharp, cutting a whistle through the air as it fell a considerable distance. In the remaining glow of the mushrooms, the faint outline of the path Scalpel had been following gave way to a sheer cliff as it turned sharply to the right.

[Dr. Scalpel]

A sudden stop, followed by a random voice calling to him from seemingly nowhere? Except the right, which didn't count... Many conflicting feelings about such a pressing matter fell upon Scalpel at that moment. He truly could have heard the first whispers of a spiraling descent into a never ending madness that threatened him and his friends, there was only one thing he could do, being the logical thinker he was. Turning his head he asked his new found crumbling companion "Silver Glimpse, What do you think about this? Should I follow it? Should I even believe in it? Am I truly going mad, or is it real?"

The skeletal remains of the pony jingled a little bit with his shift in weight. "Good point! We must go left! I- I mean right!" Proudly he regained vigor and thrust his head skyward, all fear diminishing for a second. Turning to the right he pulled the skeleton along for the ride as he explored deeper into the cave. In his blundering turn of bravery he accidentally knocked a bunch of rocks down the drop, which in turn released bigger rocks, creating an ever growing avalanche which crashed down making an explosive ever growing volume, making him stop in his tracks.

"SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TOO." he yelled into the pitch black, hoping he would be forgiven had we waken up any special "guests" or angered any spirits.

[Stygg Whitefeather]

”Run.” So spoke the disembodied voice huddled within the mind of the doctor in faint, desperate whisper that only made itself known in the moments of awkward silence that followed the terrible din of the accidental avalanche. The ground beneath the doctor's hooves began to shake, trembling with the first sign of a deep and powerful earth-quake. The cave system roared to life as the crystals and rocks gave way in a terrible torrential downpour that threatened to consume the good doctor under the crushing weight of stone. The path before him, though dark and sinister, was his only option as the passage he had come through was quickly collapsing in on itself. In moments before his hooves would react to the impending death from above, the faint whisper of the disembodied voice – whom he so named 'Silver Glimpse' utter one more warning, ”They've awoken...”

[Dr. Scalpel]

“No Silver Glimpse! Don’t be zhat cryptic messenger zhat nopony likes!” Scalpel shouted, dodging in and out of falling rocks. “By Celestia, You vill speak up for yourself right now and tell me what evil spirit’s beauty sleep I just interrupted!” When he received no answer Scalpel become a bit peeved, more so because of the oncoming doom that could happen at any moment than at his associate’s sudden mutiny. However, he could think of ways to ground her later, now was the time for trying to not die! Left, Right. And under boulders he dodged, charging forward deeper, probably towards whatever he had just awoken with all the luck he had been having today.


His inner monologue was cut short when something collided into his side, knocking the wind straight out of him and the remains of silver glimpse skidding forward. Coughing up a bit of blood he pieced himself together and attempted to stand up. Judging from the fact that his ribs were more or less not broken he hazarded the guess that he was hit by a large rock rather than a boulder. When his breath came back to him among the chaos he tried to take a step forward, but could not move, the rock had rolled onto his lab coat, too heavy to push aside, a minor setback. Focusing his magic he prepared to move the rock, but then he saw another tumbling straight for Silver Glimpse. Seconds ticked by slowly, his newfound friend was in danger! Anguishing over what he had to do he ripped forward, making the coat shred in two and rocketing towards her. Lamenting his fallen comrade he knocked silver glimpse up onto his back and continued onward, the path he was taking slowly becoming an incline.
The usually talkative doctor becoming silent as he continued to trudge onward.

[Stygg Whitefeather]

Trudging up the incline lead the doctor to a large, crystalline cavern, as dark as pitch except for the faintest specks of light reflecting off its walls from the dying spores upon his skeletal friend. Another deep groan ached from within this place followed by the sound of something moving within. There, just a short few yards ahead of the pony, the faintest flicker of something skittering about in the darkness could be seen darting around. Though it's faintest outline could barely be seen in the darkness, it did not appear much larger then himself, bulkier perhaps, but not terribly larger. Whatever it was blocked the path forward and it hadn't yet made any indication it was aware of Scalpel or the friend upon his back.

”There, attack!” The voice commanded, ”Your only chance.” With nowhere left to run and this thing the seemingly last obstacle in his path, the doctor had limited options. If he were to get past this thing, attacking it would appear to most direct option – after all, the unknown, disembodied voice had yet to steer him wrong.

[Dr. Scalpel]

Scalpel’s nostrils flared as the doctor’s limits continued to be pushed. He always disliked fighting, it always ended up with somepony… hurt. His tattered coat also made him feel… naked, vulnerable. Not only was his robe torn, his spirit was being shred apart the longer he stayed in this pitch black realm. His silence but emotionless expression began to tremble, as what was his vision half going red. Silver Glimpse was his friend, no? Teeth grinding, he reached back with his mind and telekinetically grasped his precious bone saw. The doctor then brandished it, taking a step forward.


“Silver Glimpse, I… am putting my trust vithin you… even if you aren’t much of a conversationalist.” Taking another slow but steady step Scalpel Lowered the blade for a moment, perhaps fighting wasn’t the best option, perhaps… The red in his eyes vanished, and he began to regain his posture, until another voice burrowed into his head.


‘Silver never led you astray, and it obviously isn’t a pony, so it’s alright... don’t worry about any RULES, even a doctor must defend himself… even a hack who's medical career adds up to a pile of bandages.’ Instantly he was overcome by a rage, lashing out into the darkness blindly. Silver Glimpse fell off of his back as he jumped, as she hit the ground he swung at the silhouette with all of his mental force, making sure to drag the blade along whatever it collided with. The figure lurched towards him, and in response he lunged forward, ramming it with his shoulder at full force. Both of them fell in opposite directions, Scalpel landing near skeleton he became so attached to. Seeing its faint white outline he regained some sense about himself, and a little bit of his old self came back to him.


“So much for Do No Harm, am I right?” Turning on his back he chuckled “Heh, maybe I might get sued for malpractice.” Smiling he laid there in the silence, the faint light and reflections of the walls glimmer was quite beautiful when he actually stopped to look at it.

[Stygg Whitefeather]

“Over here, I heard something!”

A voice echoed throughout the cavern, one with a strong commanding presence, indicative of a military pony. Soon lights started to reach into the chamber from a adjacent, formerly hidden in shadow, path beyond where the slumped figure Scalpel had so generously dished a helping of pain. The coming light quickly illuminated the chamber, exposing what Scalpel had so vigorously destroyed. There, in the center of the chamber lay a pile of mossy rocks, scattered and beaten. There was no sign of a beast, creature, or demon anywhere. Just mossy rocks, and Scalpel's tender hooves a testament to his brutal battle with them.

From the light came a detachment of Canterlot guard ponies, a mix of pegasi and unicorn – whose horns had lit the way forward and provided the light that graced the chamber with its revealing presence.

“We got a live one!” The forward guard pony called, the others spread out into the chamber with spears and swords at the ready, while the one who spoke approached the doctor. “Sir, we're here extract you. A problem with the teleportation spell forced you inside the underground chambers. Is there any others with you?”

The other guard ponies searched the area, till one spoke up, “We have a body here. Skeleton, unicorn, mare. Appears old.” Several of the guard ponies circled around, looking at the remaining bones of “Silver Glimpse” which lay close to Scalpel.

“Understood; Battery-Fire, report back that we're bring in casualties. Have them on stand-by.” The pony who had spoken to Scalpel ordered to another, a Pegasus, who saluted and sped off back the way they had come in. “Sir, are you injured, can you trot back with us?” He asked of Scalpel, with an outstretched hoof. “Tender Felt, can you treat our friend here.”

A white coat unicorn came trotting up, saluting and kneeling down beside Scalpel, scanning him over with a spell from his horn. A medical imaging spell, one Scalpel should be familiar with. A quick scan that can assess internal injuries and illness of patient for the caster. “Any pain? You appear fine. Can you move – we need to evacuate before the caves come down upon us.” Tender Felt asked impatiently.

“No time, the caves are gonna collapse any moment. Tender, get him of his hooves now!” Commanded the commanding pony; Felt grabbed Scalpel before he could protest and pushed him along with the rest of the squad. “Take the bones, we're evacuating.”

“Sir, yes sir!” Exclaimed another pony who scooped up the remaining bones of Silver Glimpse and followed after Scalpel. With them placed in saddle bags, say for the skull which protruded out from under the flap – its vacant, hollow eye sockets gazing towards Scalpel, the came a faint light that seemingly only Scalpel could see, like faint fire-flies glowing with purpose and life.

”Oh my little darling, it's turned so cold and it's past your bedtime. You've played the day away and soon it will be night. Come to me, Fleur Dis Lee, the light is fading. Don't you see the evening star appearing, beside Luna's glorious moon. Come to me, and rest against my shoulder... How fast the minutes fly away and every minute colder.” Spoke that all too familiar voice, absent, so it seemed from the soldier that spirited them away from this dark place. ”There's a darkness which comes without a warning, but I will sing you lullabies and wake you in the morning.” The voice trailed off, as if disappearing into a memory. As if it longs for something in the dark, aching, and begging for a last moment with a memory which was quickly disappearing into a void. ”My savior from this place, take to my Fleur the ring on my horn. Let her know her mother never forgot her... Oh, how I wish you could take my hoof as the night grows so ever colder. For Celestia's sake, please stay with me till I am finally sleeping. It feels so close now. Tell Fleur I love her and I'll see her when I wake...”

With that final cryptic statement, the voice disappeared into ether and the faint flow from the skull – those delicate little fire-flies scattered in a breath which floated into the air till their glow disappeared forever.

[Dr. Scalpel]

As Scalpel ran with renewed consciousness and sanity, he half paid attention to the cave crumbling around him and listened more to the soft words of the his dead companion, heeding them like a dying wish. While the rest of the group was more concentrated on getting out alive, he used his magic to slip ring off of Silver Glimpses horn and into his own little space. Finishing that he snapped out of his self induced trance and spoke up atop the crashing ruble to Dr. Felt. “I thank you Tender Felt for the rescue, Sincerely!” Dodging a boulder that nearly flattened him and a pony behind him he continued in tone much too happy for the situation at hand “Scalpel’s zhe name, and I’m fine aside from zhe dark haunting nightmares I vill carry avay from zhis experience! Other zhen zhat, I’ll need another coat, as mine’s been more or less shredded.” Ignoring the annoyed look of his fellow doctor, his speed increased as thoughts of the outside drove him forward.


Questions rushed to and fro around in Scalpels mind, how long had he been away? What happened since he had been gone? How many patients are waiting for a proper surgery? WHERE DID HIS NURSE RUN OFF TOO AT SUCH A TIME??! “Oh vait, she quit a few days ago…” he whispered to himself, before he let his short attention span snap to the most precedent issue of escaping with his bones un-powdered by the collapsing environment.


After a few twists and turns it did not take long for the fleeing party to see the blinding light at the end of the tunnel, and just in time they escaped with their lives. With the cave completely collapsed behind them it seemed as though everything turned out alright, However there was one more pressing issue…


“SWEET SOLAR QUEEN! MY EYES! ZHEY BURN!” Scalpel screamed at the top of his lungs, his eyes having adjusted to the darkness of the cave weren't prepared for the sudden blast of sunlight. “I STILL WANT A NEW COAT!”